The Sara Adventure

Giving birth is a life changing experience. Having a newborn is even more of a life changing experience. For the first week of Grace's life she was something to worry about, and difficult to enjoy. Being in the nursery was hard on us, and by the time she came home I was so emotionally exhausted, that I already needed a break from her. I was overwhelmed. For the first week she was home I cried every day. It seemed like she was trapping me and I had all these thoughts about "why in the world did I want this?!" She puked on me twice and had diarrhea, and I thought for sure she was sick already. She was eating all the time. I mean, often hour after hour and I didn't have enough milk for her. We kept trying but she was so upset. I wanted to quit nursing.

But then things changed. After she was two weeks old and past her first growth spurt, we became different people. I started smiling at her and seeing what other people saw. She was so beautiful, and she already loved me so much. I finally looked at her and saw my daughter, not a burden. That's when I realized that bonding isn't immediate for everyone, especially women who have been separated from their babies at the beginning. I want to encourage women with newborns to not feel guilty if it's not love at first sight. Having a new baby IS hard and it IS a burden at first. Don't let anyone tell you how you are supposed to feel.

I finally started playing with her, and kissing her. Instead of being anxious when she started to wake up I became excited. I can't wait to hear her little noises and kiss her little cheeks. What a difference a couple weeks can make! It's not always easy... in fact, most of the time it's not. She has a lot of demands, and I often can't figure out what she needs right away. However, she is amazing. She can smile at me, and make little noises. Sometimes she even laughs as she falls asleep! She grows right before my eyes... out of some of her clothes already! She knows my voice and listens close when I start talking.

My point is I've always loved my daughter, but now I'm starting to feel like I know her. Hard to imagine life without her already. Some days I wish she could tell me what she wants, but I also realize that some day I will wish she was 3 weeks old again. My job now is to enjoy her as she is, and be amazed at how quickly she is growing.