The Sara Adventure

Giving birth is a life changing experience. Having a newborn is even more of a life changing experience. For the first week of Grace's life she was something to worry about, and difficult to enjoy. Being in the nursery was hard on us, and by the time she came home I was so emotionally exhausted, that I already needed a break from her. I was overwhelmed. For the first week she was home I cried every day. It seemed like she was trapping me and I had all these thoughts about "why in the world did I want this?!" She puked on me twice and had diarrhea, and I thought for sure she was sick already. She was eating all the time. I mean, often hour after hour and I didn't have enough milk for her. We kept trying but she was so upset. I wanted to quit nursing.

But then things changed. After she was two weeks old and past her first growth spurt, we became different people. I started smiling at her and seeing what other people saw. She was so beautiful, and she already loved me so much. I finally looked at her and saw my daughter, not a burden. That's when I realized that bonding isn't immediate for everyone, especially women who have been separated from their babies at the beginning. I want to encourage women with newborns to not feel guilty if it's not love at first sight. Having a new baby IS hard and it IS a burden at first. Don't let anyone tell you how you are supposed to feel.

I finally started playing with her, and kissing her. Instead of being anxious when she started to wake up I became excited. I can't wait to hear her little noises and kiss her little cheeks. What a difference a couple weeks can make! It's not always easy... in fact, most of the time it's not. She has a lot of demands, and I often can't figure out what she needs right away. However, she is amazing. She can smile at me, and make little noises. Sometimes she even laughs as she falls asleep! She grows right before my eyes... out of some of her clothes already! She knows my voice and listens close when I start talking.

My point is I've always loved my daughter, but now I'm starting to feel like I know her. Hard to imagine life without her already. Some days I wish she could tell me what she wants, but I also realize that some day I will wish she was 3 weeks old again. My job now is to enjoy her as she is, and be amazed at how quickly she is growing.

So my mom told me I should start blogging again. She said it's more personal than facebook, which is where she generally sees my daily thoughts. She likes to read what I have to say. Well, of course she does, she is my mom. Now that I'm a mom I know that you care about everything your child does. If Grace gets her diaper changed by someone else, I even want to know in great detail what they found inside. So, my mom wanting to read what I write is not necessarily enough motivation for me to start up my blog again.

I decided to just start writing and see where I ended up. I want to see if blogging is enjoyable. Let me think, why would I write a blog? Probably to get things off my chest or out of my mind. You know, that whole idea of once you write it down or tell someone you are free from it. That would make the audience of the blog myself. I could write to inform others of what's going on in my life. That would make my audience my mom, which is why I started writing today anyway. I guess I could write to encourage or inspire people. Tell my thoughts in an effort to make people feel warm and fuzzy.

You know, maybe I could write for all 3 of those audiences. I could just write whatever I want and readers should just be aware that you never know what you're going to get! If I warn you, then you can't have expectations. So don't. You are reading my journal, with little to no filter.

So a couple weeks ago was Doppelganger week, and I couldn't find one... then I decided it was my mom! I know she's not famous, but check out this old pic of her... I swear it's like we're related ; )




I am in a winter funk! What will it take to get me back to normal? Glad you asked.

• Flowers- plant them, pick them, all of the above! Peonies please : )
• A little sun tan- I said little, not cancer causing
• Sun Dress- with expandable waist this time... did I mention flip flops?
• Hair dye- waiting another couple weeks until Baby Boyle is more resistant... although I've been given the go ahead by Dr. I dont think I'm going to go back this time- shock!
  
• More exercise- warm weather will bring lots of walking, but for now there is swimming and prenatal yoga.

I have hope that spring is right around the corner. Alan and I bought seeds to start inside, and they will be ready for outdoors in about 8 weeks! Hope the frost is gone by then. I'm so ready to open up the windows and air this place out : ) Guess I will sit by sunny windows for now.

Also known as Fall.

It's always been my favorite time of year, and I am loving the weather here. It's always been a time of change for me, and this autumn is no exception.

Classes have started back, which is something I always looked forward to as a kid- my excitement doesn't match that of my 8 or 14 year old self, but I am glad to be back in the swing of things. I am taking three classes: Individual Counseling Skills, Multicultural Counseling, and Intro to Family Counseling. So good so far. I think the work load will be medium to high.

I got myself a job! Don't ask me if I'm excited... just warning you. I will be a Graduate Assistant starting next week. I didn't want the job, but knew I needed it. I hope God surprises me with some awesome reasons to have this job. The pay is not much- two classes per semester plus $275 a month- for 10 hours a week of work. I know it's more than I'm making now (which is nothin), but I think I will be overworked. We'll see. I am thankful for the opportunity... I know it's a privilege. They were especially excited about my research skills and knowledge of SPSS, even though I don't like to do research. ha ha. Maybe I shouldn't have told them I can?!

A Church has started in our home, and it's an exciting time. We have four couples right now, and we've just met together twice. Even though it's in our home the leadership is shared, and we'll all take turns with responsibilities. More to come as God blesses our small church family.

If you know much about Alan and I you know we love to be outside and we love to go camping. In fact, last fall in Arkansas we went about 5 times in a couple months time! This weekend we are going camping at Chain O Lakes State Park with our friends Jes and Nate. Should be fun!

Hope you enjoy your Autumn... Winter will be here soon, and for us that is COLD : )

Don't worry, that was just to get your attention...

The thing that I sometimes love and sometimes don't is the TRAIN, but today I love it. I was able to go shopping with my friend even though it has been 8 months since I have driven. On my way home I met some interesting people.

Matt moved to Chicago about a year ago to study animation at a school I can't remember the name of. He is from Houston and misses the community his church provided. I started talking to him because his shirt boldly said "Mzungu," which means "foreigner/ white person" in Swahili. I knew he must have been to East Africa, or knew someone who had, so I started up a conversation. He said I was the first person to ever say something about it and know what is means. I think we both felt like the world got a little smaller.

John is a hispanic young man who wears a cross around his neck. He lives in my neighborhood and knows very little english. I know very little spanish, so our conversation was helped by his english speaking friend. I asked them to teach me some more spanish on our ride home, and so they laughed, practically rolling in their seats, as they taught me "mi amor" which I secretly already knew. It means "my love." We talked back and forth with the little we knew of each other's language. He boldly asked me my name, and told me I was very nice. He and his friend couldn't believe I was married, and told me my husband was a very lucky man. They made me feel like a good person, and made my neighborhood feel a little more like home.

Sometimes the long ride home is a good one.

Apparently it's been a while since I've posted a blog- thanks for reminding me, Mark. I looked on the calendar to see what has happened since I last posted July 21... Alyssa and Steven came for a few days, Lori and Adam took their day trip here and bought us pizza, I went to Stefanie's baby shower, Erin and Caleb moved in, I signed up for a 10K, I wrote a 30 page paper, and we hung out with a lot of friends. Now that my class is over, I am on vacation. At home. Which is fine with me.

It's hot today. 89 degrees that is. I know a lot of you reading this would laugh at such a statement, but for around here it's a little warm! My body is not used to it, and anything over 85 kind of makes me dizzy. PS- we only have one little window AC, so I am not exactly comfortable in the apartment.

Hard to believe my birthday is in a little over one month. Am I really about to be 23?! Do I have to grow up? Hope not. I kinda feel like I've been 23 for a while. All my friends are older than me, so by the time I am turning any age, I feel like I should already be that old since my friends are. I know that's kind of weird. I have really enjoyed being 22, and I enjoy being younger than my friends : )

Much travel to come this month! Thursday we leave for Louisville for a few days, and then the Thursday after that we fly to Murfreesboro to see Alan's parents, sister, and nephew! I miss Peyton a lot. A couple days after we get back my friend and former roommie, Lori (pictured above), is coming to visit for a few days. I haven't spent quality time with her in a long time.

Class starts again the 31st... hopefully I will feel ready. I have an interview for a graduate assistantship. Not sure if I want the job. We shall see.

Seems like a lot of my friends are sick right now, so I guess there is something going around. I am getting over a sinus infection myself, and now my Alan is sick! Poor thing; he is in bed. We were supposed to do laundry today, so maybe he is just trying to get out of it! (I don't really believe that).

I am turning in the form today to switch my Masters program from community counseling to family counseling! I am excited to make the switch, and will hopefully have my intro to family counseling course this fall. A lot of people have been asking me about my summer classes and how they are going- boring. I'm glad I took evaluation techniques in the 6 week version, and career development in the 12 week variety. It's taking a lot out of me to care much about career development theory. I'm not really into all the tests and inventories and telling people what they'd be good at. I hate the idea of someone thinking I'm going to tell them what to do- if that's the case they've come to the wrong counselor. I should explain:

No one knows what is best for you but you. Trust me. You know yourself better than anyone else knows you, and you are the one that must live with your decisions. No counselor is going to give you advice that you couldn't come up with on your own... you just need a little help. My job will be to point out patterns in your life- good and bad- and demonstrate how your strengths have gotten you through every situation up to now. That is the short version. I like to imagine the counselor's role not as an advisor, but a strengthener, encourager, eye opener, and sometimes healer.

Heavens, this has been an interesting summer so far! We've had several groups of friends in and out of our home, and there is still more to come! Alyssa and Steven get here tomorrow, a few days after they leave some friends of ours move in to their apartment here in the city, a few days later my class ends, then we have our big Pray4Chicago event, then a week later we are going to Murfreesboro to see Alan's parents, sister, and nephew, two days after we get back Lori comes for a week, and the days she leaves my fall classes start. That's just to the end of August!

Paper writin' time.